Reclaiming My Voice: From Family Expectations to Radical Self-Support
Introduction
Support is something we all crave, yet for many, it feels just out of reach. I was reminded of this while watching Young, Rich, and African, a reality show filled with drama, glamour, and, surprisingly, deep lessons. In one episode, a male cast member invited actress Ini Edo to an event, only for her to realize it was actually an audition for potential surrogates—a deeply personal and sensitive topic for her. Understandably upset, she felt blindsided and unsupported. But later, another cast member, Swanky, fiercely defended her, and that moment of loyalty struck a chord with me.
As the first daughter of a conservative Nigerian family, I know all too well the weight of First Daughter Syndrome. It is not a role for the weak. The love and acceptance of family often feel conditional, something I’ve had to confront more deeply since choosing to walk away from a legal career to pursue my dreams as an artist. Reclaiming my identity as an artist has unearthed painful truths about my upbringing—truths that have shaped not only my ability to express myself authentically but also my ability to receive support.
For years, I internalized the belief that artists couldn’t make a living from their craft. To a young mind, this translated into something far deeper: If I am my true self, I will not be supported—not by family, not by society, not even by God. This belief bled into every area of my life—relationships, career, and my spiritual connection. When a woman is taught that her needs and desires are secondary, she learns to silence herself, to become hyper-independent, to distrust support from others and even from the Universe itself.
But something has shifted since I started walking this path as an artist. The more I align with my truth, the more I strengthen my relationship with the Divine. Seeing Swanky, a Nigerian man, stand so boldly in support of a Nigerian woman made me reflect on how much I desire—and deserve—that kind of unwavering support. Not just from others, but also from myself.
This realization sent me down a path of self-reflection, where I uncovered patterns of pushing support away and clinging to old narratives of betrayal and lack. In this blog, I want to share the insights I’ve gained on how we can all begin to feel truly supported—both externally and within ourselves.
The Struggle with Support
For years, I unknowingly perpetuated a push-pull dynamic with support. I’d crave connection and encouragement but struggled to trust it when it came my way. This dynamic often showed up in relationships, where I’d doubt people's intentions, or in opportunities that seemed to evaporate just as quickly as they appeared.
Looking back, I see how much of this stemmed from an identity I had adopted—the “struggling artist.” It’s a narrative so many creatives carry, one that says success and support must be hard-earned, often at the cost of burnout and self-doubt. But what if this story isn’t true? What if we’ve been making it up all along?
Healing Through Awareness
The first step to breaking this cycle is awareness. Meditation has been an invaluable tool for me in this process. It allows me to observe the old narratives playing in my mind without judgment. When feelings of betrayal or lack of support arise, I notice the sensations in my body and sit with them until they dissolve. This simple act of neutrality is profoundly freeing.
One powerful realization came from a painting I created called “Alignment.” It depicts a Black woman floating in midair, supported by ethereal hands and adorned with fairy wings. This painting is a visual reminder that I am always supported, both by unseen forces and by my own ability to let go of struggle. Support is not something we earn; it’s something we allow.
Cultural and Ancestral Connections
Reconnecting with my heritage has deepened my understanding of support. In Igbo culture, families traditionally maintained altars dedicated to their Chi—a personal deity or divine essence. These altars were spaces of prayer, connection, and grounding. For me, creating an altar for my spirit team and ancestors has been a way to reclaim this tradition and feel supported by those who came before me.
It’s heartbreaking to think about how colonialism sought to sever these connections by demonizing our cultural practices. Yet, by reclaiming them, we not only honor our ancestors but also rebuild a sense of belonging and divine support in our lives.
Actionable Steps for Readers
If you’re ready to feel more supported, here are a few steps to get started:
1. Meditate on Support: Sit quietly and feel the chair beneath you or the ground supporting you. Imagine this support extending into every aspect of your life.
2. Reframe Your Narrative: Notice where you’re telling yourself stories of lack or betrayal. Challenge these stories with new ones rooted in abundance and trust.
3. Reconnect with Your Heritage: Explore cultural practices or traditions that resonate with you. Consider creating a space, like an altar, to honor your ancestors or spiritual guides.
4. Create Visual Reminders: Use art, vision boards, or other creative outlets to symbolize the support you wish to embody.
Conclusion
The story from Young, Rich, and African reminded me of the kind of support we all deserve. But more importantly, it showed me that support starts within. By shifting our narratives, reconnecting with our roots, and allowing ease into our lives, we can experience the unwavering support that has always been there.
Remember, you are supported each and every step of the way. Even in moments of contrast, there is a gift waiting to be revealed. Embrace it with an open heart.